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and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness,

and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.”

2 Peter 1:5-7

At the outset of the year, setting resolutions or goals ambitiously is easy. However, the follow-through often proves more challenging than we imagine when we excitedly scratch out ways we want to change on paper. Over the years, my modus operandi has been what some might hear as a boring, under-ambitious “keep going.” However, it’s yielded more fruit than I could’ve imagined, and I believe it’s because steady plodding is one of the Lord’s most common ways of transforming us.

In the above verses, the first thing Peter instructs his readers to supply to their faith is virtue. Virtue can be understood as moral excellence, strength, or resolve. Part of what the Greek definition of this word includes is “eminent endowment.” It speaks to an awareness and belief that the Lord has given us everything we need to pursue the list that follows the word virtue. I encourage you to read the previous verses, 2 Peter 1:2-3 to hear Peter clearly communicate this reality!

We can be resolved to keep going and growing because the Lord has given us everything we need to grow in steadfastness, including His Holy Spirit, the very power of God.

The Thief of Steadfastness and its Antidote…keep reading over at Club31 Women!

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I want to be consistent across the board. If all of Christ is for all of life, I want to see Christ glorified in every realm of my life.  Because of that, I have thought a lot about how the way we eat and care for our bodies fits in with the gospel of Christ.  In other words, I have tried to answer the question, “Why is this even important?”  Our decisions regarding health and nutrition (of which you’ll soon learn a lot about if you keep visiting me here!) all stem from the following convictions that we (Blane and I) share:

1. We should seek to nourish our bodies and do what we can to keep them running optimally.  We do this not for the end goal of health alone but to be strong enough to share the gospel and serve others for as long as God has us living on this earth.  We also believe that we should seek to nourish our children’s bodies so that they can seek to accomplish the same things (Acts 20:24).

2. We believe that we don’t own ourselves but that our bodies are temples where the Holy Spirit dwells (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).  Therefore, we can’t do whatever we want with them.  Instead, we are stewards who should be faithful and responsible for what has been entrusted to us.  We consider it a moral obligation to do the best we can with all that has been given us, including our bodies and our children’s bodies (until they are responsible for themselves).  Everyone will one day be held accountable (Romans 14:11-12).

3. If we have been given knowledge about something and its detrimental effects on us, we believe we will be held accountable for how we respond to that knowledge (Luke 12:48).  We do not desire to continue living in a manner that indulges our fleshly desires or caters to a fear of man (Proverbs 29:25, Isaiah 51:7) with no thought to the physical or spiritual ramifications.  Again, we believe that accountability is individual (Romans 14:11-12).

4. It is very important not to make an idol out of health and nutrition or elevate it to a consuming status in our life (Exodus 20:3).  Circumstances often dictate food choices, and there are few absolutes.  If I found myself in a situation where I had nothing else, I would be thankful for cockroaches to feed my family.  It is absolutely true as well that all men are appointed once to die (Hebrews 9:27).  God is still sovereign (Psalms 135:6).  It is impossible to force his hand or make him grant you a long, healthy life, no matter how well you eat.  We aren’t in ultimate control.  That’s why the gospel is central, not food (Romans 1:16-17).  It’s appointed once for everyone to die, and THEN eternal life ensues.  Our primary and most pressing focus should be on our souls’ health.  Earthly health only matters to the degree that it facilitates Kingdom work.

5. We seek to be charitable toward others.  Indeed, pride is always to be abhorred.  We recognize the urgent need for humility, especially when it is possible that we are the ones who lack faith (Romans 14:1-10).  Ultimately, it is each individual person’s responsibility to live the way they do out of faith, and we pray that we are not a stumbling block for others (Romans 14:20-23).  If someone has us in their home for a meal, we graciously enjoy what is served to us (Romans 14:19-20).  We also do not look down on others for choosing differently than we do (Romans 14:13-14).

“For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.   Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men.  So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.”  Romans 14: 17-19

Is this an area of life that you have thought about?  What principles guide your decision-making when it comes to lifestyle and food?

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Lord, when I read this verse, I’m confronted with reality. The question is, how will I respond?

Will I believe it or reject it?

When I look at the earthly powers that be, in our nation and beyond, how do I respond to their exercise of power if this is reality—

that You are great,

You are abundant in power,

that You are with understanding beyond measure?

It puts things in perspective. You alone are Great. You alone have abundant power. You alone have understanding that is beyond measure.

Not only that, but you wield your power in ways that are beyond my understanding.

I know of no other who has power and willingly lays it aside to give His life that many may live (1 Jn 3:16).

I know no other who can create an entire universe with His power (Jer. 32:17).

I know of no other who can uphold the universe, right now, simply by the word of His power (Heb 1:3a).

When I lock eyes with you, I am looking into the eyes of One who is truly Great.

I am in the closest relationship possible with the One who has all power.

Who oversees every lesser power holder.

Who oversees the hearts of men in power on the earth.

You do not need to be dishonest to gain or maintain power.

You do not need to manipulate or control to gain or maintain power.

You do not need to scare to gain or maintain power.

You do not need to terrorize to gain or maintain power.

You do not need to hide anything to gain or maintain power.

The powers on this earth have to utilize particular means to gain, wield, and keep it. When we question or go against what they deem as good or best, it threatens their power.

But You have all power, and You always wield it for good. You are Great!

I can believe every single word of yours.

I can trust Your character and Your ways.

I do not need to doubt or question You or Your Word because of who you are.

But when I do, you are patient with me. My doubts or questions are not a threat to you. You want me to understand You and are willing to bear with me.

The fact that you are Great and abundant in power and choose to wield it in the most sacrificial, life-giving way is certainly beyond my understanding. It is beyond my human capacity to grasp. But I want to, and I want to follow You alone.

I need Your help. I need you to open my spiritual eyes to understand You.

Please, open the eyes of your Bride to behold You in all of your glory.

Lead us to Your Word. And as we gaze on You and Your greatness, may we see earthly governments as they are. May our allegiance be to You alone.

May our fear be of You.

Help us understand that in You, we have power,

to abound in hope (Rom 15:13),

to demolish strongholds (2 Cor 10:4),

to be strengthened (Eph 3:16),

to love and be self-controlled (2 Tim 1:7).

May our decision making,

our information processing,

our thought life

all be in light of Who You are.

You are worthy of following,

to be obeyed,

to be worshipped,

to be talked about,

to be sung to and about.

Jesus, there is none like You.

Help us to know You.

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I thought I knew Elisabeth Elliot well. I’ve read many of her books and have listened to her talks, enough to think I had a handle on her life experiences, her personality, her struggles, and even quirks. But I could not put down Ellen Vaughn’s biography, Becoming Elisabeth Elliot. 

I know her so much better now! And she’s endeared herself to me even more. My favorite part, hands down is how real Betty Elliot is shown to be (I think she may be Betty to me now).

I cracked up just about as much as I teared up. What a character she was! 

Pieces of Joni Eareckson Tada’s foreword stirred me: 

“The timing of this book couldn’t be better. We may not know it, but in an age of anti-heroes, our souls crave an authentic witness. We long to see a follower of Christ square off against sin and stand firm against the winds of adversity; one whose ironclad character cannot be dismantled. We want to see someone in whom living for Christ and dying for Him is indistinguishable. We crave a visceral story that has meat on it. A story that rises above the average. That soars and inspires…what you’ll read here shows clearly Elisabeth’s ordinariness, how she was subject to the same temptations and distractions that plague us all, and what she embraced, through Christ, to become extraordinary. I hope you’ll be convinced that the same grace which sustained a young Betty Elliott to become a captain in God’s army will in fact whisper to your soul, “Be like her.”

I was reminded of what drew me to her as a young believer at 15 or 16: she was “committed to living her life flat-out for Christ, holding nothing back…She was curious, intellectually honest, and unafraid…unafraid of the quest for Truth that might lead her to an inconvenient conclusion.” 

She had an “unyielding passion to win souls for Christ.” “She was determined not to do what was easy, but to wait for God’s leading, whatever it was.”

As I read, I couldn’t help but hear echoes of myself in her journal entries, which is what led to the tears. I’m no Elisabeth Elliot, but she would tell you that she was no hero, either. “I suppose the general opinion of missionary work says that it is intended to bring [people] to Christ. Only God knows if anything in my ‘missionary career’ has ever contributed anything at all to this end. But much in that ‘career’ has brought me to Christ.”

She was a woman who wrestled. “Sometimes she got tangled up in her thoughts. Was all of this any use to God?”

“I could almost say I’ve had enough of these Waodani, and wish God would take me away…I feel this…but I will do His will, not my own.”

“After Jim died…she wanted to collapse into a heap on the bedroom floor. But, she made it through each arduous day, one at a time, with a simple mantra: do the next thing.”

She was a woman resolved. “We must look clearly and unflinchingly at what happens and seek to understand it through the revelation of God in Christ…To be a follower of the Crucified means, sooner or later, a personal encounter with the cross. And the cross always entails loss…In her own encounter with the cross, Betty determinedly sought the path of obedience, regardless of how she felt.”

“When pain, disappointment, lack of fulfillment, derision, suffering, and death came, she did not flee the dark waves, sucked backwards by their relentless undertow. She met them straight on, diving toward the cresting surge, sparing herself nothing, considering the bracing, salty shock of the cold waters just part of the big story.”

She was a passionate woman, though outwardly reserved. “If she was cautious in her relationship with Jim Elliot, or reserved with others, she was not so with God. She threw herself open to Him, wholeheartedly, without restraint.”

She was a woman who desired more than anything to yield her whole self to Christ. “Oh, how I pray for conforming to the acceptable will of God. I do not want to miss one lesson. Yet I find that events do not change souls. It is a response to them which finally affects us.”

“…the takeaway from their lives is a reckless abandon for God. A willingness to cast off any illusions of self-protection, in order to burn for Christ. An absolutely liberating, astonishing, radical freedom that comes only when you have, in fact, spiritually died to your own wants, ambitions, will, desires, reputation, and everything else.”

And she was hard on herself. “She tortured herself further by reading 1 Corinthians 13. Love is not jealous… boastful… arrogant… rude… irritable… resentful. She sighed. ” I was all these today.” 

“Oh, truly, I am an unimprovable, helpless case. Help, Lord!”

Her earnest heart’s desire to love and obey God put to the test every day: “I long to be Home. I long to put off this mortal body, to be occupied wholly with things unseen. What a weight things seen are to me now—meals, clothes, my body, house cleaning, etc…I feel frustrated and useless. Cleaning, feeding all these people, caring for Valerie, making bread, etc., etc. Lord—is this what I am here for? Oh, when shall I be free from the body of this death? Help me to be loving Thee in these hours of occupation with things seen.”

I was encouraged as a writer by her own struggles with writing—

“…and I am supposed to be writing a book. I am not writing one. I sit and look at the typewriter, read, shuffle papers, contemplate, and very nearly want to quite the whole thing. Why must it be so painful?”

“I feel utterly inarticulate, incapable of writing or speaking a single syllable which will convey my meaning. God! Father of Spirits! Give life.”

“She could not wait for “inspiration, ” whatever that was. She could not see the whole. Writing was like cutting a jungle path, One step at A time. By sheer discipline, she returned to the typewriter, day after day. She stared out the window, contemplated her fingernails, had another cup of tea, and wrote one sentence at a time.” 

“But, how, how to put this on paper so as to disarm people into contemplating it for once, seriously? I have not any great creative imagination or ability, but I do believe that if I worked hard I might produce a little which would set forth a moment of truth now and then. How well I know my limitations, but let it not be an excuse for throwing in the sponge.”

So, whether you think you know Elisabeth Elliot well or not, I highly recommend reading Vaughn’s biography. It’s one of my favorite books that I’ve read this year. My heart has been stirred and at 40, I still want to “be like her.”

Well done, Ellen Vaughn. I can’t wait for the next one.

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I wonder how often you’ve experienced a strong emotion rise up in you, compelling you to speak out about something you’ve just heard or read?

Something has been said (or written) that just gets to us, and we feel that we must say something about it. Now.

Yes, something wrong or off may have been said. Maybe it was something deeply hurtful that never should have been said in the first place. Or something nuanced that needed deeper explanation. But it’s also quite possible that we just misunderstood the person.

So, we blurt something out or leave a comment.

Often the fruit of such hasty, haphazard words are like sword thrusts. We weaponize our words out of hurt, offense, or pride, and they end up hurting other people.

On a regular basis, I’m seeing these types of reactive responses online. Commentary is posted, and the responses often take minutes (or less) to start showing up.

Quick replies are easy to post, and the weaponized, emotional words are often evidently lacking in authorial self-control.

Soon, snark abounds, zingers fly, the Caps Lock key gets pressed, and the melee commences in earnest as social media adepts spread the barbs to countless ready-to-be-offended parties who are all looking to take sides and verbally slash the other team.

As Christians, how do we navigate situations like this? How do we engage social media and real-life conversations without knee-jerk reactions to provoking words?

Look to the Word

Not surprisingly, the Lord has a few things to say to us about situations like this. Just because social media is new doesn’t mean that issues of the heart are new. We should apply the same wisdom that we do to interpersonal relationships.

When we’re provoked, in that moment of self- righteous passion rising up inside, we’re not fit to speak.

Here’s how I know:

“Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”

(Pr. 29:20)

 “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.”

(Pr. 14:29)

A temper refers to the constitution of our mind, particularly as it relates to our passions and affections.

So, in those moments after hearing or reading something, what is the constitution of your mind? Are you provoked to anger, offense, or hurt?

If so, it’s highly likely that your words and mine will be like swords, and that folly will be demonstrated if we respond right then.

If we react, we should not act surprised when we experience regret, or when we hurt someone, or cause confusion.

God has given us emotions for His glory and as a means to accomplish various purposes under the banner of His glory. One purpose of our emotions is to act as a warning light that something is off either inside of us our outside of us. So, we should pay attention. We would be *wise* to pay attention.

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”

Pr. 4:23

When we obey the Lord and pay attention to what is happening in our heart, we can wisely slow down and go before Him to assess the situation. And as we do, He’ll help us see what’s in our heart, about to flow out.

Helpful questions to ask with Him can include:

• why am I responding this way (angry/hurt/sad, etc.)?
• did those words touch a wound that has not yet been healed by You?
• why do I want to respond to what was said/written?
• do I even need to respond to what was said?

In my interpersonal relationships, I’ve found that taking time to sit before the Lord with His word open is both necessary and valuable. In fact, I believed it’s saved many a heartache and regret. There have been times when, in this process, the Lord has convicted me of pride or self-righteousness. Or, He’s helped me to see that I simply wasn’t seeing the whole situation. He’s also helped me to understand that part of why He allowed me to hear the words were to pray for the other person.

There are times when I indeed am responding with righteous anger. But you see, sometimes, without taking the time to slow down and flesh it out before the Lord, I’m not sure.

You should know that I’m extremely sensitive. I’m not sharing this with you as one who doesn’t know first-hand how easy it is to have a knee-jerk reaction and want to speak right away. Nor am I speaking as one who has mastered this! But I’m speaking out of a place in which I’ve persistently sought the fruit of  self-control. And, I’ve not done it alone. I’ve been helped many times by the Holy Spirit, my husband, and trusted friends and counselors

As you engage in conversation with the Lord about how you participate online, He’ll be faithful to direct your steps! For the what it’s worth department, when I’m working through something in real life, my general rule of thumb is to take at least a week to pray through a situation. Ps 139, Ps 51, and Ps 37 are great places to begin to invite the Lord into the situation.

After the week is up, sometimes I find that I need to continue in prayer because I’m unsure of what to do. Or, I may still feel the need to say something. But, because of intensive time with the Lord about the matter, there’s much more humility, gentleness, and care involved.

But as I eluded to above, there are times that I don’t end up saying anything at all. The timing isn’t right, the Lord wants me to pray for the person, or the Lord needs to do some deeper work in my own heart.

Making this a practice in the sphere of interpersonal relationships in everyday life should spill over into the sphere of online relationships.

Keeping Our Hearts

Whether it’s online or in interpersonal relationships, you and I have a responsibility to keep our hearts, to be careful with our words, and to give *grace* to those who hear us speak. I’m concerned that with the distance screens gives us from each other, we don’t exercise the same sort of self-control that we do when we’re in person.

Whether we’re in a conversation with a friend or a family member, or online, we have the choice to navigate difficult conversations in a manner that is pleasing to the Lord. We don’t have to react. We don’t have to pound the keys, sending swords thrusts into the internet.

Yes, in many ways, social media is very “right now.” If you exercise self-control in the moment and don’t comment or post, but go to the Lord about it, it’s likely you’ll never go back to the thing that provoked you in the first place. Is that so bad?

I’m reminded of Proverbs 14:33,

“Wisdom rests in the heart of a man of understanding,

but it makes itself known even in the midst of fools.”

A wise person can rest. A wise person slows down to assess her heart, and can move past those things that might be a bit like a clanging symbol or sword thrusts to her own heart. She also recognizes that haste doesn’t usually lead to anything productive. She can always go back to the person later.

In the online world, words are often flung faster than we can read them. I think we’d be wise to consider what things we should read, experience a moment of grief over, and just keep moving past. Pay attention to if it nags at you, and ask the Lord for His input.

May the Lord help us to slow down so that in “whatever [we] do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Col. 3:17).

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I decided that December is my favorite month, not only because of all the Christmas festivities, but because of the very focused adoration of Jesus. I didn’t really desire to look ahead to 2020. I relished in savoring and pondering the humility of Jesus. I don’t regret not preparing for the new year, but now that 2020 is here, I am spending more purposed time to look back over the last year. A few themes have stood out to me, and I’d like to expound on two. The overarching difficult theme is that of overwhelm, and underneath it, limits.

I experienced the Lord’s grace as He shepherded me through, and I’m thankful for His Fatherly care. I pray you’ll be encouraged and helped as you read.

Overwhelm, defined

I appreciate Webster’s definition[1] of the word. He paints a vivid picture that captures how I felt much of the time:

OVERWHELM‘, verb transitive

1. To overspread or crush beneath something violent and weighty, that covers or encompasses the whole; as, to overwhelm with waves.
2. To immerse and bear down; in a figurative sense; as, to be overwhelmed with cares, afflictions or business.

I looked up the word whelm, too, out of curiosity. First because it sounded like a word, but I wasn’t sure (I’m remembering a hymn with it now!), and second, I thought it would help me better understand the word overwhelm. Sure enough, whelm is a word. And it means to cover something by immersion so that all sides are covered, but it also means to overburden. So, how much more overwhelming is it to be over-whelmed, if you’re already immersed and burdened by something?

In 2019, I was overwhelmed by my children, difficult relationships, media, and “stuff.” Seeing the definition of overwhelm gives new perspective to the matter.

I don’t believe the words “I can’t” are usually helpful in the Christian’s vocabulary, unless followed by, “but He can through me,” or something of the like. But I said it more times than I’m proud to admit. I said it in times of desperation, in which I didn’t feel like He could do whatever it was through me.

I do believe there are times when we can’t and we make it difficult for the Lord to do the “but can through me” part. Hear me out. I believe God is big, and able, and sovereign.

The Breakdown in relationship with the Lord

There is something dysfunctional about overwhelm, and when there’s dysfunction, it means there’s a breakdown somewhere in my relationship with the Lord.

The reason I say that overwhelm is dysfunctional is because throughout the Bible, we learn that the Lord upholds us, bears our burdens, helps us, lives within us, prays for us, and works both in and through us. The Lord of the universe lives closer than our skin, but somehow, we manage to become people who can’t handle the hard little things of life. Paul spoke to this in Phil. 4 when he said,

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

The Lord helped me to see my tendency toward overwhelm earlier in 2019, and I struggled the whole rest of the year to wrestle it down. If the Lord is at hand, then I need not be overwhelmed. But I was.

The problem, He helped me to see, was that I wasn’t slowing down to invite Him into the moments that I ended up capitulating to overwhelm.

He helped me to see that my functional theology was rather dysfunctional. And it was becoming a habit.

Admittedly, this was hard to swallow. The Lord helped me see a blind spot, and sometimes, it feels blindsiding to have one of these pointed out. You can translate this to mean that the Lord knocked a few chips of self-righteousness pride off the old block. I’m thankful He did.

So, I began to contemplate what slowing down to invite Him into the little moments of potential overwhelm should look like. I don’t have a neatly packaged answer to give you. This is one of those things in life that is a sloppy process, whether I like it or not. I mostly haven’t liked it. But, I do believe that it’s been profitable, and will yield long-term fruit.

What Slowing Down Has Looked Like

I mentioned four primary areas that I regularly felt overwhelmed, so I’ll shine a little bit of light into each of the areas. One overarching characteristic I’ve been able to recognize about each area is that of a lack of limits. It’s looked different in each area, and I’ll unpack it a bit. I hope it’s helpful to you, if you’re struggling in a similar way.

Overwhelmed by Children

Looking at the definition of “overwhelm” was helpful because the Lord is the one that gave me five children to care for, and while it may be more than I can handle without his help, He is with me in this. In other words, if I’m abiding in Him, I shouldn’t feel overwhelmed.

So why did I so often? At various times, I’ve struggled to be consistent in my role of authority with my children. It’s easy to let down my guard and suddenly allow little self-sovereigns to emerge. Rather than following through and ensuring that each child is functioning within his God-given limits, I regularly had one or two children violating the limits and getting away with it.

I have a preschooler and toddler who are in the thick years of training, with a decent amount of discipline needed. I home school my kids, and managing three children schooling at home, while parenting children who need a lot of attention is flat out hard.

The Lord has been gracious and patient with me as I navigate ever-changing schedules and responsibilities. There is constant readjusting with children, and sometimes, I fail to keep up with the necessary adjustments.

Slowing down in this area of life has mostly looked like stopping in the middle of an intense moment and praying, often out loud, for help. Or, going to another room to pray. I’m reminded of Susannah Wesley who had 11 children. She wore an apron, and regularly sat down on the floor and put her apron over her head. Her children knew that she needed to be left alone so she could pray.

There’s fruit in stopping right in the most inconvenient moment. Is it sloppy? Yes, but I’m learning that there’s little, if anything, in our lives with God that is actually glamorous. He’s concerned about our heart, not our image.

When I can exercise self-control in the moment, restraining myself from anger, irritation, a, unkind word, a harsh response, it is a testimony of the Spirit’s life in me (self-control!). It is an act of humility that says, “I can’t, Lord, and I need You.” There have been many, many times when I wasn’t sure if I could move past the “I can’t, Lord.” A shift to surrender needed to happen in my heart to get me there. I can’t control my children or what my day is going to look like, and letting go of both has been needed.

It yields the reasonableness Paul spoke about in Philippians 4. I want to be a reasonable woman, I really do. But it’s not going to happen when I charge through my day, not even willing to slow down long enough to see that when my child sinned, I sinned right back!

So, part of the overwhelm with my children had to do with limits. Them violating limits, me not upholding limits, and me not staying within the Lord’s good limits for me, which involve including Him in every part of my day.

Overwhelm with difficult Relationships

This has been a tough one. I suppose the biggest lesson I’ve learned over the last year is that I tend toward over-responsibility in relationships. I carry backpacks that are actually not mine to carry. This looks like apologizing for things that I don’t need to apologize for, bearing all of the blame when something is amiss, and carrying unnecessary guilt and shame. I tend to carry the responsibility to fix things, but the reality is that I can’t.

There is one relationship tangle in particular that I was wrestling through, when the Lord brought about this revelation. Believe you me, it was one of the most freeing experiences to understand that I could actually put something down. To be able to say to myself, “It’s that person’s heavy backpack, and they do need to pick it up and carry it. It’s no longer my responsibility,” was both load-lightening, but also difficult. What if the person never picks up the backpack? The relationship may never be reconciled then.

Another opportunity to surrender to the Lord.

It’s meant taking a few steps back from relationships in which people were subtly demanding what I couldn’t give. It’s meant staying within my God-given limits of marriage and five children, and all of the responsibility that it entails.

I appreciated Joe Rigney’s article, The Enticing Sin of Empathy, along with the Man Rampant episode featuring Joe Rigney. I read the article earlier in the year and mulled over it for months before watching him talk about it, and in that time, I both experienced what he spoke of, and recognized how my backpack carrying was ultimately not loving toward other people. I highly encourage engaging with both pieces (I’d love to dialog about them!).

Overwhelm with media

I love podcasts, and I appreciate the medium of Instagram, too. I use Facebook to keep up with a writing and leadership group I’m in, and Twitter keeps me up to date on what I need to read. So, the main two sources of consternation were podcasts and IG.

I love to learn. I always want to be a learner because I want to max out any capacity I have to glorify God, which necessitates learning. Podcasts have become an excellent way to be an ongoing learner because I find them engaging (I’m not an audiobook person), and I can learn about a myriad of things! I spend about four to five hours a week on the treadmill, and it’s the perfect diversion.

(I do listen to music, too, and I am known to belt out the tunes. I’ve been informed that, “Sorry, Mom, you don’t have the best voice, especially when you’re on the treadmill).

But I’ve found the sheer volume of helpful information out there has crept into too much of my brain space and become noisy. Hence, the overwhelm. I have five children, remember, and they are already noisy.

I’m finding with the more children I have, that I value and need more silence and solitude. Parenting many children takes a lot, and I need a lot put in me so that what’s worked in can flow out. I’ve found that just beneath the surface, I feel like I don’t measure up to all the amazing podcasters and their guests. I found myself becoming discouraged. So many great ideas, so many thoughts, so many people doing a lot of good things. But I can’t keep up with it all. I can’t communicate all my good thoughts and ideas, and do all the good things I want to do.

It began feeling like constant relationship without any break. I can’t do that in real life, and it turns out I can’t do it through podcasting either. I haven’t broken up with podcasts, but I’ve slowed down significantly.

A good bit has been written about the love-hate relationship so many of us have with Instagram. I’ll just say that I enjoy life and myself much better when I’m not on a lot. I’m regularly asking the Lord how to navigate the platform, because I don’t think I should abandon it. One way I am seeking to look at it is like an open-air market. I want to bring something valuable to offer others, and while I’m there, I want to receive those things that are of value, too. I don’t want to buy cheap, processed, fake wares. I also want to make the most of my time, not squander it.

Again, the theme of limits.

Overwhelmed by “Stuff”

A quick word about “stuff.” Seven people live in my home. A good deal of material items can easily accumulate when that many people live under the same roof. I’m not a fan of clutter, and while my home doesn’t need to be immaculate, I want and need some degree of order. At some point, I realized that I’ve allowed too many things for my kids to enter our home, and that it wasn’t helping my children learn how to be good stewards. It was actually a huge stumbling block toward this goal, because they had way more than they could handle. Not only that, but it added to the feeling of being overwhelmed. So, we simplified the kids’ rooms (read I’ve given away a lot) and it has yielded more peace, and an environment where my kids can thrive.

Patient Father

I’m so thankful that the Lord is not in a rush to make me like Jesus. It would hurt far worse than it already does. He’s helped me to see how slowing down in these areas is part of my becoming like Jesus.

I’ve been reminded over the last month that He is willing to work slow growth in me, because He loves me. He’s not a knee-jerk reactor in the moment like I can be with my kids. He doesn’t dump all of the wisdom, insight, and understanding into my head and heart in a moment, but over a lifetime. And, He has beautiful boundaries in His relationship with me. He is my Father, and I am His child. He will not let me carry what isn’t mine to carry.

To Him, it’s not that long of a time before I will be like Jesus.

[1] http://webstersdictionary1828.com/Dictionary/Overwhelm

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But I think in the church, we can be confused about what conviction is, and it can be hurtful and even divisive at times. Often, we hold a “conviction” and believe it is right and should be held by others, too. We might not realize that conviction will yield different paths of application, and that’s okay and even good.

Conviction: What is it?

John 16:8  – “And when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment: concerning sin, because they do not believe in me;  concerning righteousness, because I go to the Father, and you will see me no longer;  concerning judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged.”

Jude 1:14-15 – “It was also about these that Enoch, the seventh from Adam, prophesied, saying, “Behold, the Lord comes with ten thousands of his holy ones, to execute judgment on all and to convict all the ungodly of all their deeds of ungodliness that they have committed in such an ungodly way, and of all the harsh things that ungodly sinners have spoken against him.”

Hebrews 11:1 – “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

1 Thessalonians 1:4-5 – “For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, because our gospel came to you not only in word, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction. You know what kind of men we proved to be among you for your sake.”

What’s fascinating to note is that there are four different meanings of the Greek word used here. In John, Jesus was speaking of the conviction that the Holy Spirit would do once He ascended into heaven. The sort of convicting the Holy Spirit does in the life of the believer is to reprove us by convincing us of the truth of our sin. This is what leads us to repentance, or is what we push down and quench.

In Jude, the word is not merely used to convince someone of a wrong done, but “the purpose of the coming of the Lord will not be to convince men in that sense, though it is undoubtedly true that the wicked will see that their lives have been wrong; but it will be to pronounce a sentence on them as the result of the evidence of their guilt.”[1]

In Hebrews, it “Implies not merely the charge of the basis of which one is convicted, but also the manifestation of the truth of that charge, the results to be reaped from that charge, and the acknowledgement, if not outwardly, yet inwardly, of its truth on the part of the accused.”[2] In other words, our convinced-ness of something we believe is real but cannot see, will yield a certain kind of fruit.

And lastly, in 1 Thessalonians, the word conviction means “perfect certitude.” In other words, when Paul was speaking to the Thessalonians, he was affirming that when they heard the gospel, they were fully convinced that it was the truth.

In all of these definitions, the common thread is that a person is convinced of something real and true. In three out of the four definitions, the real and true thing is sin in their heart. The other in Hebrews speaks to the realities of life in Christ that we cannot see. We are convinced that all of His Word is true, all of the future things spoken of in the Word are true, all of the promises, instructions, warnings, invitations are true.

So when we speak of “having a conviction of _________” what do we mean? This is where it can get dicey.

Growing in Conviction

I believe the Holy Spirit does illumine a particular area of the Word at different points in the believer’s life. Maybe we’ve previously been ignorant of or even purposely violated something in Scripture. When this happens, and the Holy Spirit does a work in our heart, it leads to conviction, which leads to repentance. Remember, a key part of repentance is turning away from a former manner of living and walking in a new way. The path will change.

I think there are two key things to keep in mind about this process. One is that the Holy Spirit is the one who brings about change, and second, the path of repentance will look different for different people. Let me give you a personal example.

When I was pregnant with our first child, I checked out a number of books from the library about nursing babies, sleep schedules, etc. Each book was chock full of opinions by each author. I became anxious as I read, not knowing which method or philosophy was best. Somewhere in there, the Lord convicted me of two things: anxiety and not turning to Him first. I bypassed the wisdom of God and went straight to “conventional wisdom,” or wisdom of man. I didn’t talk to Him about it at all, that I can remember.

I agreed with the Lord that I sinned, and part of my repentance included returning the library books and doing a word study in Scripture about nursing. I was astounded by what I found! The Lord has things to say about nursing! My prayer and study led me to make decisions in faith, which led to a peace-filled heart. It wasn’t necessarily about the specific application, but the way it was done. The Lord was most concerned about my heart. He was concerned that I sought Him and not man. That I sought Him rather than allowed anxious thoughts to multiply.

You could say that I developed a personal application of convicted truth about the matter.

Here’s the thing about personal convictions. They’re just that. Personal. The Holy Spirit convicted me of sin. I did the study and the prayer. The Lord led me down this path. I believe it would be wrong if I were to take my personal application of that Holy Spirit conviction and declare it as “right,” and believe that others who don’t do it are sinful because I can make a case from Scripture. Trust me, I was tempted. And I’ve been tempted since.

To be clear, I am not talking about specific commands that are given to everyone. Sin is sin, and universally, I can (and should) say to you, “Do not be anxious!” and “don’t turn to worldly wisdom!” If you don’t repent of these things, it is wrong (Php 4:6 , 1 Cor. 3:19).

But what we must be careful about is taking our faithful responses that flow from our own repentance of specific sin, anxiety for example, and seeking to equate repentance from anxiety with exactly what our specific actions were that flowed from the Spirit-wrought repentance in our own hearts and lives.  To do so is to attempt to coerce our faith into the heart of another, or worse, to believe that our own specific faithful actions are the only possible faithful actions, and that any actions that differ from my own must therefore be borne of something other than faith.

Humility in Conviction

Proverbs 14:33 says, “Wisdom rests in the heart of a man of understanding, but it makes itself known even in the midst of fools.”

I’m struck by the manifold wisdom of this verse. First of all, it says that wisdom “rests” in the heart of a man of understanding. “Rest” has multiple meanings, but in this verse, it means “to come upon, or abide.”[3]

You could say that wisdom lands and takes root in the heart of one who has understanding. It finds a home there. It produces rest because it comes from God. We don’t derive wisdom, but rather, it’s given to us. A wise person doesn’t feel a need to flaunt what he has because he knows that it didn’t come from within himself.

We’re told elsewhere that a man of understanding is slow to anger (Pr. 17:27) and slow to speak (Pr. 11:12). If wisdom is “the right use or exercise of knowledge,” then a wise person doesn’t feel a need to boast about what he knows, or to grow impatient or even angry when others don’t share his convictions.

I love what Matthew Henry says about this. “Modesty is the badge of wisdom. He that is truly wise hides his treasure, so as not to boast of it (Mt. 13:44), though he does not hide his talent, so as not to trade with it. His wisdom rests in his heart; he digests what he knows, and has it ready to him, but does not unseasonably talk of it and make a noise with it.”

When a wise person has been convicted of something, he can live it out quietly because he knows first-hand that the Lord who began a good work in himself, and is still at work carrying it out until completion in his life, is faithful to do the same in the lives of his brothers and sisters. He knows that he is not yet done surrendering his whole heart himself.

The wise understand that the Lord is most concerned about the heart. Our Lord wants our whole heart, and the process of surrender is extremely valuable to Him.

Humility

But I’d like to propose another thought. I don’t know if this is how the Lord works, but I think it may be. What if one reason the Lord has brought conviction on you and me, which has led each of us down a particular path, is because of our personal sins and weaknesses?

I home school our children. And I’m not going to lie, it is hard. You will not find picture perfect images on my Instagram profile because that’s not my life. Are there joys? Yes. But right now, in this season of life, it’s mostly hard and unenjoyable. There are many puddles of tears that I find myself in.

Do you know why it’s so hard? It’s because I’m a woman whose sin is still being worked out of me. And, my kids are not yet believers. In other words, there’s a whole lot of sin in this house. I am not a perfectly patient, gentle, kind woman. I am not “gifted” to home school. In fact, I think that in part because of my need to grow in the areas of patience, kindness, and gentleness toward my children, the Lord led us to home school. It’s a tool for my sanctification just as much as it is for my children’s.

We all need to be grown up in similar ways and in different ways. I don’t know why the Lord leads some in one direction and me in this direction. But the Lord does, and I can trust that He will turn each of our hearts in the way He desires.

When I have this perspective, it’s humbling. It makes me much slower to pass judgment on someone who does things differently than I do. Trust me, I am a strongly opinionated, passionate person. I think there are many things in life that are important and worth spending time praying about, learning and studying about, and forming an opinion on. But I don’t talk that often about the specific practices I’ve adopted out of conviction.

It’s not that they aren’t important to me. It’s just that, very slowly through the years, the Lord has been helping me to understand that if my conviction is born of love for Jesus, then the particular path He is taking me down will also further enable me to love others well (Mark 12:29-31).

There’s a time and a place and a way to talk about things I have opinions about. But I’ve learned that often times, it gets in the way. Not always, but often. And the reason is because there’s something in me that’s trying to take on a role that’s not mine to take on. I’m acutely aware of it even as I write.

My hope and my desire is that what people overwhelmingly think of when they think of me is not the issue I’m passionate about, but the God-Man I’m passionate about. Jesus is who I love and who I want others to love. And so, I want to the best I can to relate to others in such a way that, rather than causing division or angst, causes others to look to Him.  Causes others to want Him. Causes others to drink in His Word and talk to Him.

And so, it pushes me to prayer. It compels me to take what I think I might see in another, and to bring it before the Lord. He is their Father, too! Who better to take any concern I may have, than to Him? It’s often there that He gently reveals a critical, self-righteous spirit in my own heart, and it’s humbling.

I long for us to be ones who lay down our lives, ones who seek to develop higher-order convictions about the nature of humility, interpersonal interactions, prayer, and what gracious love looks like toward others in the body of Christ.  Ones who develop more convictions and then do the further work of struggling through how they ALL fit together in love toward each other.

I think if we do, we’ll find the profound resonance and deep-unto-deep Spirit fellowship we long to share with one another. And this is pleasing to the Lord.

[1],2 https://biblehub.com/commentaries/jude/1-15.htm

[3] https://www.blueletterbible.org/search/Dictionary/viewTopic.cfm?topic=IT0007390

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Oh, I hope you’d be excited to talk about what the Lord is showing you in prayer, and to hear all that He’s doing in and through my prayer life.We have His ear. The Lord of all creation is attentive to those who know Him, eager to hear our voice. He’s moved by our cries to Him. This is astounding.

But I’ve had quite a few women confide in me that their prayer lives aren’t what they want them to be– due to lack of sleep, season of life, etc.

So, in a video I shared a few ideas and tools you can employ to intentionally cultivate a faithful prayer life. Today, I want to share five resources that I use daily in my times of prayer, in addition to the system I shared in the video. My hope is to further equip you to become a woman who prays more and more.

Here’s the honest to goodness truth: if you and I don’t work to cultivate our prayer life, we’ll be in the same spot over and over again, lamenting that it’s not what we want it to be.

I expect that next year, you and I could come to each other with more ideas, because the Lord has us both on a journey. And, as it always is on our journeys with the Lord, He brings new people and new experiences our way.  So, remember that as you see what helps me, you don’t need to do the exact same thing or buy all the resources right now. We move along one step at a time. Maybe you can choose one thing that you can implement and add others as you go.

So without further ado, here are my current favorite resources that help keep me focused in prayer and in deepening my love for the Lord.

1. The Bible! – The best guide to prayer is the Word itself. Breathing in God’s Word and then speaking it back to Him is powerful (Hebrews 4:12). The Word is full of prayer points for us. For regular reading, I use the ESV, and for study, I love my beat old beat up Key Word Study Bible (NASB). I love to read out loud and converse with the Lord about what I read. I ask Him questions and ask Him to do what I see in His Word. It’s amazing how the Word can convict us, leading to confession and repentance, cause praise, adoration, and thanksgiving to arise, while also giving us very specific words to ask of the Lord.

I’m reading through the Bible chronologically, and I’ve recently begun   listening to Crossway’s Daily Office Lectionary. You can have the plan emailed to you or you can subscribe to the podcast. This summer however, I put aside the chronological plan to join thousands of other women  participating in the Summer 2019 Bible Reading Challenge. Join us! It’s already been deeply encouraging.

2. Sara Hagerty’s Adoration printables – Hands down, the daily habit of adoration has been what has most transformed my prayer life over the last decade. Each month, I print a 5×7 version, cut it out, and glue it into my journal. It doesn’t matter how I feel or what the current circumstances of life are, I do my best to do it. And though in the moment it may not feel as if it’s accomplishing anything, a decade later, I can tell you that not one moment of adoration has been time wasted. Jesus is worth every look from my eyes, whether short glances or long gazes. And, every moment spent does deepen my love for Him.

3. Praying the Scriptures for Your Children by Jodie Berndt – This is a newer to me resource, and I love it. I think there are many ways you can use this book to pray for your children and their future spouses (and other people and their children!). There are chapters about the topic of prayer, and at the end of each chapter is roughly two pages of specific Scriptures to pray.

It has helped me to have specific, pre-planned topics and areas of life to pray over my kids. I was moved to tears recently as I prayed for my two-year old over the reality that our prayers last for eternity. We may not see fruit from our labor in prayer right now, but for the future joy set before us, we can persevere in prayer. Who knows how and when He may answer us? Isn’t that an awe-inspiring, prayer-provoking thought?

4. The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O’Martian – This is an oldie, but a goodie. And, again, how you use it can vary! God created us women to be life-givers, and so much life is birthed through prayer. One of the best ways we can help our husbands is to be faithful in prayer—not just for him, but for our own hearts, too. I appreciate that Stormie encourages women to remember to examine our own heart and to ask the Lord to work in us.

5. Monthly Persecution Prayer Calendar – We have brothers and sisters in all areas of the world, and many are suffering in ways we never will. It’s astounding that we have the ability to know how believers in areas hostile to the Gospel are doing, and that we can go before the Lord on their behalf. I want to be faithful for their sake, and one day, when we meet face to face in heaven, hear their testimonies.

These tools help me to purposely go before the Lord on behalf of others. I want to be a woman of prayer, increasingly. What I’ve found over the years is that the more time I spend in prayer, the more I want to pray. It’s the place we get to know our Lord and our Father. It’s a powerful place. A comforting place. A restful place. I pray that as you and I continue to seek Him, we will love Him more and more.

I’d love to hear what tools you find helpful!

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(finish reading over here at Defining Purpose).

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