admin, Author at My Blog https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/author/admin/ My WordPress Blog Tue, 16 Jan 2024 17:23:53 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.6.1 227810254 The Hospitable Counselor https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2024/01/10/the-hospitable-counselor/ https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2024/01/10/the-hospitable-counselor/#respond Wed, 10 Jan 2024 11:50:02 +0000 https://kellytarr.com/?p=1795 As biblical counselors, we don’t often think of our counseling as a ministry of hospitality, but it’s a defining characteristic! We have the unique privilege and role of welcoming strangers and the estranged into friendship with the Lord, a costly yet joyful ministry…Continue reading at the Biblical Counseling Coalition. 

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As biblical counselors, we don’t often think of our counseling as a ministry of hospitality, but it’s a defining characteristic! We have the unique privilege and role of welcoming strangers and the estranged into friendship with the Lord, a costly yet joyful ministry…Continue reading at the Biblical Counseling Coalition. 

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Steadfastness in 2024 https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2024/01/08/steadfastness-in-2024/ https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2024/01/08/steadfastness-in-2024/#respond Mon, 08 Jan 2024 20:18:15 +0000 https://kellytarr.com/?p=1790 “For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.” 2 Peter 1:5-7   At the outset of the year, setting resolutions or goals ambitiously is […]

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“For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge,

and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness,

and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.”

2 Peter 1:5-7

 

At the outset of the year, setting resolutions or goals ambitiously is easy. However, the follow-through often proves more challenging than we imagine when we excitedly scratch out ways we want to change on paper. Over the years, my modus operandi has been what some might hear as a boring, under-ambitious “keep going.” However, it’s yielded more fruit than I could’ve imagined, and I believe it’s because steady plodding is one of the Lord’s most common ways of transforming us.

 

In the above verses, the first thing Peter instructs his readers to supply to their faith is virtue. Virtue can be understood as moral excellence, strength, or resolve. Part of what the Greek definition of this word includes is “eminent endowment.” It speaks to an awareness and belief that the Lord has given us everything we need to pursue the list that follows the word virtue. I encourage you to read the previous verses, 2 Peter 1:2-3 to hear Peter clearly communicate this reality!

 

We can be resolved to keep going and growing because the Lord has given us everything we need to grow in steadfastness, including His Holy Spirit, the very power of God.

 

The Thief of Steadfastness and its Antidotekeep reading over at Club31 Women!

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Why Do You Do What You Do https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2024/01/04/why-do-you-do-what-you-do/ https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2024/01/04/why-do-you-do-what-you-do/#respond Thu, 04 Jan 2024 15:21:45 +0000 https://kellytarr.com/?p=1779 I originally wrote this post in 2010. I’m republishing it because it’s a pertinent topic that I hope will gain more traction in conversations among Christians! I want to be consistent across the board. If all of Christ is for all of life, I want to see Christ glorified in every realm of my life.  […]

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I originally wrote this post in 2010. I’m republishing it because it’s a pertinent topic that I hope will gain more traction in conversations among Christians!

I want to be consistent across the board. If all of Christ is for all of life, I want to see Christ glorified in every realm of my life.  Because of that, I have thought a lot about how the way we eat and care for our bodies fits in with the gospel of Christ.  In other words, I have tried to answer the question, “Why is this even important?”  Our decisions regarding health and nutrition (of which you’ll soon learn a lot about if you keep visiting me here!) all stem from the following convictions that we (Blane and I) share:

1. We should seek to nourish our bodies and do what we can to keep them running optimally.  We do this not for the end goal of health alone but to be strong enough to share the gospel and serve others for as long as God has us living on this earth.  We also believe that we should seek to nourish our children’s bodies so that they can seek to accomplish the same things (Acts 20:24).

2. We believe that we don’t own ourselves but that our bodies are temples where the Holy Spirit dwells (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).  Therefore, we can’t do whatever we want with them.  Instead, we are stewards who should be faithful and responsible for what has been entrusted to us.  We consider it a moral obligation to do the best we can with all that has been given us, including our bodies and our children’s bodies (until they are responsible for themselves).  Everyone will one day be held accountable (Romans 14:11-12).

3. If we have been given knowledge about something and its detrimental effects on us, we believe we will be held accountable for how we respond to that knowledge (Luke 12:48).  We do not desire to continue living in a manner that indulges our fleshly desires or caters to a fear of man (Proverbs 29:25Isaiah 51:7) with no thought to the physical or spiritual ramifications.  Again, we believe that accountability is individual (Romans 14:11-12).

4. It is very important not to make an idol out of health and nutrition or elevate it to a consuming status in our life (Exodus 20:3).  Circumstances often dictate food choices, and there are few absolutes.  If I found myself in a situation where I had nothing else, I would be thankful for cockroaches to feed my family.  It is absolutely true as well that all men are appointed once to die (Hebrews 9:27).  God is still sovereign (Psalms 135:6).  It is impossible to force his hand or make him grant you a long, healthy life, no matter how well you eat.  We aren’t in ultimate control.  That’s why the gospel is central, not food (Romans 1:16-17).  It’s appointed once for everyone to die, and THEN eternal life ensues.  Our primary and most pressing focus should be on our souls’ health.  Earthly health only matters to the degree that it facilitates Kingdom work.

5. We seek to be charitable toward others.  Indeed, pride is always to be abhorred.  We recognize the urgent need for humility, especially when it is possible that we are the ones who lack faith (Romans 14:1-10).  Ultimately, it is each individual person’s responsibility to live the way they do out of faith, and we pray that we are not a stumbling block for others (Romans 14:20-23).  If someone has us in their home for a meal, we graciously enjoy what is served to us (Romans 14:19-20).  We also do not look down on others for choosing differently than we do (Romans 14:13-14).

“For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.   Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men.  So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.”  Romans 14: 17-19

Is this an area of life that you have thought about?  What principles guide your decision-making when it comes to lifestyle and food?

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Enduring Midlife Like a Champ https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2023/11/29/1771-2/ https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2023/11/29/1771-2/#respond Wed, 29 Nov 2023 21:59:27 +0000 https://kellytarr.com/?p=1771 One of the Tarr kids’ favorite pastimes is “hang riding” up the driveway. We have a long gravel driveway, and if it’s been a while since grading, crater-like divots develop, and it’s a real wild, bumpy ride. My kids call these divots speed bumps, and the faster I go over them, the better because one […]

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One of the Tarr kids’ favorite pastimes is “hang riding” up the driveway. We have a long gravel driveway, and if it’s been a while since grading, crater-like divots develop, and it’s a real wild, bumpy ride.

My kids call these divots speed bumps, and the faster I go over them, the better because one of them might get some air. At the bottom of the driveway, I roll down all the windows; they jump out of the car, assume positions on the runner boards, and grab a handle inside the vehicle.

Our wild, bumpy ride with whoops and shouts of, “Faster!” commences after everyone is ready.

 

Wait a Minute. I Wasn’t Ready!

Midlife usually arrives differently. No big announcement is made about what’s ahead or to ask if we’re ready.

Several months ago, one of my sisters-in-law sent me a picture, commenting, “Time moves fast and slow.”

She’s right. That chunky four-month-old in the picture is now six, and the almost ten-year-old has shed glasses for contacts and car keys.

The two-year-old who regularly had screaming fits made me wonder if I and the adorable curly head in the blue dress would make it to her third and fourth birthdays. She’s now eight-and-a-half.

The little years feel endlessly long until suddenly, they’re reading and writing–and driving– and they’re not so little anymore.

Of course, it’s not really all of a sudden.

So much life happened between that picture and now. So much that to think about it makes me both exhausted and wonder at the sheer grace of God to carry us through every step of the way.

If you and I were to sit across from one another, I want to tell you that these past six (+) years have been some of the hardest and that quitting almost everything has crossed my mind.

You might ask what I mean by that, and I would share some of what I mean because you need to hear it if you’re entering into or in the thick of midlife.

 

Read more over at Club31 Women.

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Do Not Be Conformed https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2023/10/16/do-not-be-conformed/ https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2023/10/16/do-not-be-conformed/#respond Mon, 16 Oct 2023 21:11:10 +0000 https://kellytarr.com/?p=1775   “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2 (ESV) Etched in my mind is RC Sproul’s voice saying, “Chili con carne,” quite forcefully as he taught what […]

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“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal
of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God,
what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Romans 12:2 (ESV)

Etched in my mind is RC Sproul’s voice saying, “Chili con carne,” quite forcefully as he taught what the word conform means. Where I’m from, Chili always has meat, and it flavors the soup to the point that I can’t discern between the various flavors of the other ingredients. Chili con carne is an example of what it means to be conformed, as Paul means: to be so much like the unbelieving culture around you that you’re indistinguishable as a Christian.

This verse in Romans often leads us to ask, “What does it mean not to be conformed to the world?” Does it mean we look different, sound different, and do entirely other things from unbelievers? Don’t get drunk, don’t cuss, don’t watch porn. Wouldn’t that be a transformation pleasing to God?

It’s easy to rush to think what this must look outwardly like and to overlook Paul’s instruction to be transformed by the renewal of our mind.

Read more at Club31 Women.

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The Beauty of a Meek Heart https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2021/11/22/1688-2/ https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2021/11/22/1688-2/#respond Mon, 22 Nov 2021 15:59:41 +0000 http://kellytarr.com/?p=1688 How many times in the last year and a half since this universal trial we’re all facing called COVID and global unrest has been upon us have you found yourself anxious, angry, scared, or fighting against it in your heart? Or, have you responded to it all with a tranquil heart—one that is at rest, trusting […]

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How many times in the last year and a half since this universal trial we’re all facing called COVID and global unrest has been upon us have you found yourself anxious, angry, scared, or fighting against it in your heart?

Or, have you responded to it all with a tranquil heart—one that is at rest, trusting that the Lord is at the helm, enabling you to live your life in peace, faithfully carrying out your everyday work?

I’ll bet that you were able to answer my question with, “Well…when it all started, I was more anxious, angry, and scared. But the Lord has helped me rest in Him, trusting Him with our health, our income, etc.”

Maybe you would even say that there have been times that you experience rest and other times you’re anxious and fearful.

As disciples of Christ, we are to imitate Him in every way, including in the oft-misunderstood characteristic of meekness.

God Cares Most About the Heart

How we respond to all of life is an outworking of what’s inside. Every circumstance the Lord brings our way presents an opportunity for us to steward our hearts and the situation well.

Our behavior is important! We are to have holy conduct, but it will flow out of a meek heart.

 

Continue reading at Club31 Women.

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Great Is Our Lord (Psalm 147:5) https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2021/08/27/great-is-our-lord-psalm-1475/ https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2021/08/27/great-is-our-lord-psalm-1475/#respond Fri, 27 Aug 2021 08:34:19 +0000 http://kellytarr.com/?p=1676 “Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure” (Psalm 147:5).   Lord, when I read this verse, I’m confronted with reality. The question is, how will I respond?   Will I believe it or reject it?   When I look at the earthly powers that be, in our nation and beyond, […]

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“Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure” (Psalm 147:5).

 

Lord, when I read this verse, I’m confronted with reality. The question is, how will I respond?

 

Will I believe it or reject it?

 

When I look at the earthly powers that be, in our nation and beyond, how do I respond to their exercise of power if this is reality—

 

that You are great,

 

You are abundant in power,

 

that You are with understanding beyond measure?

 

It puts things in perspective. You alone are Great. You alone have abundant power. You alone have understanding that is beyond measure.

Not only that, but you wield your power in ways that are beyond my understanding.

 

I know of no other who has power and willingly lays it aside to give His life that many may live (1 Jn 3:16).

 

I know no other who can create an entire universe with His power (Jer. 32:17).

 

I know of no other who can uphold the universe, right now, simply by the word of His power (Heb 1:3a).

 

When I lock eyes with you, I am looking into the eyes of One who is truly Great.

 

I am in the closest relationship possible with the One who has all power.

 

Who oversees every lesser power holder.

 

Who oversees the hearts of men in power on the earth.

 

You do not need to be dishonest to gain or maintain power.

 

You do not need to manipulate or control to gain or maintain power.

 

You do not need to scare to gain or maintain power.

 

You do not need to terrorize to gain or maintain power.

 

You do not need to hide anything to gain or maintain power.

 

The powers on this earth have to utilize particular means to gain, wield, and keep it. When we question or go against what they deem as good or best, it threatens their power.

 

But You have all power, and You always wield it for good. You are Great!

 

I can believe every single word of yours.

 

I can trust Your character and Your ways.

 

I do not need to doubt or question You or Your Word because of who you are.

 

But when I do, you are patient with me. My doubts or questions are not a threat to you. You want me to understand You and are willing to bear with me.

 

The fact that you are Great and abundant in power and choose to wield it in the most sacrificial, life-giving way is certainly beyond my understanding. It is beyond my human capacity to grasp. But I want to, and I want to follow You alone.

 

I need Your help. I need you to open my spiritual eyes to understand You.

 

Please, open the eyes of your Bride to behold You in all of your glory.

Lead us to Your Word. And as we gaze on You and Your greatness, may we see earthly governments as they are. May our allegiance be to You alone.

 

May our fear be of You.

 

Help us understand that in You, we have power,

to abound in hope (Rom 15:13),

to demolish strongholds (2 Cor 10:4),

to be strengthened (Eph 3:16),

to love and be self-controlled (2 Tim 1:7).

 

May our decision making,

our information processing,

our thought life

all be in light of Who You are.

You are worthy of following,

to be obeyed,

to be worshipped,

to be talked about,

to be sung to and about.

Jesus, there is none like You.

Help us to know You.

 

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Becoming Elisabeth Elliot: A Book Review https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2021/07/22/becoming-elisabeth-elliot-a-book-review/ https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2021/07/22/becoming-elisabeth-elliot-a-book-review/#respond Fri, 23 Jul 2021 01:48:00 +0000 http://kellytarr.com/?p=1663   I thought I knew Elisabeth Elliot well. I’ve read many of her books and have listened to her talks, enough to think I had a handle on her life experiences, her personality, her struggles, and even quirks. But I could not put down Ellen Vaughn’s biography, Becoming Elisabeth Elliot.    I know her so much […]

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I thought I knew Elisabeth Elliot well. I’ve read many of her books and have listened to her talks, enough to think I had a handle on her life experiences, her personality, her struggles, and even quirks. But I could not put down Ellen Vaughn’s biography, Becoming Elisabeth Elliot

 

I know her so much better now! And she’s endeared herself to me even more. My favorite part, hands down is how real Betty Elliot is shown to be (I think she may be Betty to me now).

 

I cracked up just about as much as I teared up. What a character she was! 

 

Pieces of Joni Eareckson Tada’s foreword stirred me: 

 

“The timing of this book couldn’t be better. We may not know it, but in an age of anti-heroes, our souls crave an authentic witness. We long to see a follower of Christ square off against sin and stand firm against the winds of adversity; one whose ironclad character cannot be dismantled. We want to see someone in whom living for Christ and dying for Him is indistinguishable. We crave a visceral story that has meat on it. A story that rises above the average. That soars and inspires…what you’ll read here shows clearly Elisabeth’s ordinariness, how she was subject to the same temptations and distractions that plague us all, and what she embraced, through Christ, to become extraordinary. I hope you’ll be convinced that the same grace which sustained a young Betty Elliott to become a captain in God’s army will in fact whisper to your soul, “Be like her.”

 

I was reminded of what drew me to her as a young believer at 15 or 16: she was “committed to living her life flat-out for Christ, holding nothing back…She was curious, intellectually honest, and unafraid…unafraid of the quest for Truth that might lead her to an inconvenient conclusion.” 

 

She had an “unyielding passion to win souls for Christ.” “She was determined not to do what was easy, but to wait for God’s leading, whatever it was.”

 

As I read, I couldn’t help but hear echoes of myself in her journal entries, which is what led to the tears. I’m no Elisabeth Elliot, but she would tell you that she was no hero, either. “I suppose the general opinion of missionary work says that it is intended to bring [people] to Christ. Only God knows if anything in my ‘missionary career’ has ever contributed anything at all to this end. But much in that ‘career’ has brought me to Christ.”

 

She was a woman who wrestled. “Sometimes she got tangled up in her thoughts. Was all of this any use to God?”

 

“I could almost say I’ve had enough of these Waodani, and wish God would take me away…I feel this…but I will do His will, not my own.”

 

“After Jim died…she wanted to collapse into a heap on the bedroom floor. But, she made it through each arduous day, one at a time, with a simple mantra: do the next thing.”

 

She was a woman resolved. “We must look clearly and unflinchingly at what happens and seek to understand it through the revelation of God in Christ…To be a follower of the Crucified means, sooner or later, a personal encounter with the cross. And the cross always entails loss…In her own encounter with the cross, Betty determinedly sought the path of obedience, regardless of how she felt.

 

When pain, disappointment, lack of fulfillment, derision, suffering, and death came, she did not flee the dark waves, sucked backwards by their relentless undertow. She met them straight on, diving toward the cresting surge, sparing herself nothing, considering the bracing, salty shock of the cold waters just part of the big story.”

 

She was a passionate woman, though outwardly reserved. “If she was cautious in her relationship with Jim Elliot, or reserved with others, she was not so with God. She threw herself open to Him, wholeheartedly, without restraint.”

 

She was a woman who desired more than anything to yield her whole self to Christ. “Oh, how I pray for conforming to the acceptable will of God. I do not want to miss one lesson. Yet I find that events do not change souls. It is a response to them which finally affects us.”

 

“…the takeaway from their lives is a reckless abandon for God. A willingness to cast off any illusions of self-protection, in order to burn for Christ. An absolutely liberating, astonishing, radical freedom that comes only when you have, in fact, spiritually died to your own wants, ambitions, will, desires, reputation, and everything else.”

 

And she was hard on herself. “She tortured herself further by reading 1 Corinthians 13. Love is not jealous… boastful… arrogant… rude… irritable… resentful. She sighed. ” I was all these today.” 

 

“Oh, truly, I am an unimprovable, helpless case. Help, Lord!”

 

Her earnest heart’s desire to love and obey God put to the test every day: “I long to be Home. I long to put off this mortal body, to be occupied wholly with things unseen. What a weight things seen are to me now—meals, clothes, my body, house cleaning, etc…I feel frustrated and useless. Cleaning, feeding all these people, caring for Valerie, making bread, etc., etc. Lord—is this what I am here for? Oh, when shall I be free from the body of this death? Help me to be loving Thee in these hours of occupation with things seen.”

 

I was encouraged as a writer by her own struggles with writing—

“…and I am supposed to be writing a book. I am not writing one. I sit and look at the typewriter, read, shuffle papers, contemplate, and very nearly want to quite the whole thing. Why must it be so painful?”

 

“I feel utterly inarticulate, incapable of writing or speaking a single syllable which will convey my meaning. God! Father of Spirits! Give life.”

 

“She could not wait for “inspiration, ” whatever that was. She could not see the whole. Writing was like cutting a jungle path, One step at A time. By sheer discipline, she returned to the typewriter, day after day. She stared out the window, contemplated her fingernails, had another cup of tea, and wrote one sentence at a time.” 

 

“But, howhow to put this on paper so as to disarm people into contemplating it for once, seriously? I have not any great creative imagination or ability, but I do believe that if I worked hard I might produce a little which would set forth a moment of truth now and then. How well I know my limitations, but let it not be an excuse for throwing in the sponge.”

 

So, whether you think you know Elisabeth Elliot well or not, I highly recommend reading Vaughn’s biography. It’s one of my favorite books that I’ve read this year. My heart has been stirred and at 40, I still want to “be like her.

 

 

Well done, Ellen Vaughn. I can’t wait for the next one.

 

 

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Be the Gray Hair (When Mentors Are Sparse) https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2021/07/20/be-the-gray-hair-when-mentors-are-sparse/ https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2021/07/20/be-the-gray-hair-when-mentors-are-sparse/#respond Tue, 20 Jul 2021 12:00:28 +0000 http://kellytarr.com/?p=1669   If you sat across from me right now, you’d probably smile and wonder why I, a woman who can count only one or two gray hairs on my head, feels the liberty to tell you to “be the gray hair” that you want. Admittedly, I lack gray hair (I hear it may be due […]

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If you sat across from me right now, you’d probably smile and wonder why I, a woman who can count only one or two gray hairs on my head, feels the liberty to tell you to “be the gray hair” that you want.

Admittedly, I lack gray hair (I hear it may be due to my voracious consumption of broccoli—it keeps you young, apparently). But, I don’t lack the desire to have women with gray hair speaking wisdom into my life.

They seem rare. Many women I talk with don’t have many older women in their lives that they can turn to for godly wisdom. Older women who are sold out to the Lord almost seem like a paradox, doesn’t it?

To read the entire article, hop over to Club 31 Women!

 

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Why I Don’t Believe Proverbs 22:6 is a Promise https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2021/02/04/why-i-dont-believe-proverbs-226-is-a-promise/ https://sandbox.kellytarr.com/2021/02/04/why-i-dont-believe-proverbs-226-is-a-promise/#respond Thu, 04 Feb 2021 12:00:42 +0000 http://kellytarr.com/?p=1639 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Pr. 22:6). I don’t believe this verse is a promise. If I am faithful and do all the right things as a parent, my children may still reject the Lord. I believe that all […]

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“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Pr. 22:6).

I don’t believe this verse is a promise. If I am faithful and do all the right things as a parent, my children may still reject the Lord.

I believe that all of Scripture is divinely inspired and sufficient for all of life. And, the Proverbs are included! But the Proverbs are to be read as maxims for life, not commands. A proverb may be wise for one situation in life, but not another.

For example, “…the borrower is the slave of the lender” (Pro 22:7). Generally, it’s unwise to go into debt. However, a medical emergency would be a good reason to go into debt.

“Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.” This Proverb is communicating that a righteous way of life generally leads to a longer life than one who makes foolish decisions.

One who doesn’t smoke will generally live longer than someone who does, for example. Thus, gray hair in old age. But not every righteous person lives that long, and there are plenty of foolish, unrighteous people who also live long enough for their hair to turn gray.

John Piper says, “All Proverbs are true. But they are not always true in every situation.[1]

Lest you misunderstand me, I believe the Bible is clear that parents should teach and train their children in the ways of the Lord (Deut. 6:4-25, Pr. 1:8; 4:1; 22:6, Eph 6:4, Col 3:21), and that he blesses them for doing so (Pr. 23:13-14, Pr. 29:17).

Children Have Their Own Hearts

Each child that enters into this world has his own heart—which encompasses his mind, desires, and will. And, there is not one heart born into this world that is neutral. Before salvation, it is depraved (Ps. 51:5, Pr. 22:15). There is nothing in a child’s heart that would incline him to God of his own will because his will is bent on evil:

“as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one;

no one understands; no one seeks for God.

All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one” (Rom. 3:10-12).

The child requires God’s salvific work in his heart, a work which no parent can accomplish by their good and faithful parenting works. With their hearts, our children will think, desire, and do things that are completely out of our control.

Think about the two-year-old who you’ve taught not to throw food on the floor, yet does it again despite painful consequences. Your faithful training and discipline of him will not make him stop. He needs to choose to respond to your training. What about the thirteen-year-old, who, despite being taught from toddlerhood to be kind, just can’t be kind.

Is he this way because you’ve failed as a parent? Well sure, your parenting may have something to do with it. We all fail. But to attribute the choice of another person, regardless of their age, to your failure is to take on a false sense of responsibility.

Each person that comes into this world will be held accountable before God (Rom. 1:19-20). If someone else chooses to reject God, is it your fault? No. To believe that it’s your fault, or that it’s up to you, hints of both over-responsibility and pride.

The over-responsibility and pride come in a sneaky form, often together, and it sounds sort of like, “If I don’t help them, who else will?” or something similar. It may come out in the form of nagging or even enabling various behaviors. This hints at a lack of trust in the Lord to do a work in the heart of that person, and it has the potential to lead the other party to fall into the dangerous temptation and trap of a victim mentality that takes no personal responsibility for their actions (“You made me do this”). 

This way of living (not taking personal responsibility) is now prevalent in our culture but does not fit into Biblical Christianity. Every person is responsible for themselves before God.

This by no means removes the responsibility of a parent, and in fact, it should spur us on to be all the more diligent to live godly lives that enable us to faithfully live out and apply the gospel in our homes.

We will be held accountable before Him one day as to how we stewarded the lives He entrusted to us.

But it is important to remember God will call each person to account. Parents are called to steward, not to save.

No Room for Pride, Lots of Room for Hope

This is an incredibly hopeful word for all people, perhaps especially for the parents who feel like they’re failing or like they have failed. It is also one that leaves no room for parenting pride.

For the parent with a prodigal, may this comfort you. You may look back on your parenting and see many failures along the way. If you haven’t taken the time to repent of them, now is the time to do it. The Lord stands ready to forgive and to comfort.

But you need to understand that your failure isn’t the reason your child has rebelled. Remember, he was born with a depraved heart, bent toward evil. Only the Lord can bend the heart toward Himself, and your child’s story is not yet fully written. Bending may be happening now that isn’t visible to the eyes.

For the parents in the trenches with kids not-yet-saved (me!), may this be an encouragement to you to keep going.

And for those of you, who like me, were saved out of unbelieving families, may you rejoice. You are living evidence that God can save despite parental failures. His hand can reach down into the darkest pit, regardless of circumstances, and save. “There is no partiality with him” (Eph. 6:9).

Every parent can take comfort and rejoice in the reality that, “for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers” (Rom. 8:28-29).

Praise God!

 

[1] https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-best-discoveries-begin-as-problems

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